11.07.2017 11:48
Some people are guilty of telling lies. People often lie to hide an unpleasant truth, to dodge an answer, to get out of an unpleasant situation. It may also be that a person deceives another because he does not want the interlocutor to be nervous and worried. And someone lies because he is simply a coward - he is afraid to tell the truth, he is afraid to reveal his true face, he is afraid of condemnation and responsibility for his actions.
But in any case, a lie is a lie. And a person who often deceives others gets used to it. Having lied once, twice, three times, a person accepts lying as a habit and begins to use it as a simple and understandable way to solve a problem. And more often - not to solve it, but to run away from it.
Should you lie to other people? It's up to you to decide. But to make it easier for you to make a decision, we will list a few points.
What are the consequences of the habit of lying?
. You're losing trust
A person who lies often and a lot will inevitably “get caught” in the end. And the more often this happens, the faster he loses the trust of loved ones. And sometimes, to lose trust, a single deception is enough, and not always a big one. And restoring trust is much more difficult than destroying it.
Draw conclusions.
. You become irresponsible
Lying is an easy way out of the situation. If you did something bad, it is much easier to say that you didn’t do it - than to admit what you did and deal with the consequences.
Thus, if you lie often, then you often evade responsibility. And this will gradually lead to the fact that in a situation where you should behave like a mature and independent person, you will be tempted to take the easy way out - to lie and thereby avoid responsibility.
Do you want to become irresponsible?
. If you get into the habit of lying, you will inevitably find yourself in awkward situations.
As they say, a liar must have a good memory. After all, a lie is not just a word “yes” or “no”, more often it is a whole story.
Try an experiment with yourself. Tell a story from your life that happened to you a year ago. And then tell it out loud again, say, a week later. Does the story look the same? Approximately yes - perhaps only the figures of speech differ, but not the essence itself. Because it’s easy to tell everything as it happened.
Now try to make up a story about yourself and tell it. Will you be able to tell everything exactly the same in two weeks? A month later? Hardly.
And even if the lie does not include a story, but just a phrase, then sooner or later it will be forgotten. Let's say you told your husband that you were visiting a friend, when in fact you were going out for drinks with an old friend. Let's say the husband didn't ask for details. But in a month you can easily blurt out that you haven’t seen your friend for six months and miss her. Why will you soon forget your last meeting? Because she wasn't there.
A liar simply cannot remember everything - facts, dates, events that actually did not happen. The truth is always remembered much easier than fictional events. And lies will always be forgotten from time to time, strange details and inconsistencies will emerge. This means that you will regularly find yourself in an awkward position when communicating with other people. Think about this when you consider the question, “Should I lie?”
What should you do if for some reason you don’t want to tell the truth, but you also don’t want to lie? Indeed, sometimes people ask questions that are unpleasant to answer, there is no need and desire. We don't have to open our souls to everyone who wants to, do we?
Instead of lying, you can:
. Keep silent
In the story, do not touch on any topic, avoid answering, move the conversation to another topic, say openly - “I don’t want to talk about this.” There are many options.
. Not telling the whole truth
In any story, you can omit certain details - those that you don’t want to talk about out loud. And there is nothing like that.
. Select expressions
It happens that the truth sounds very unpleasant and even rude. But, for example, instead of saying, “I’m annoyed that you call me every day,” you could say, “I can’t talk on the phone every day.”
What have you decided for yourself? Is it worth lying to people?
Psychologist Anastasia Cherkasova,
More recently, scientists from Canada have found that the ability to lie in childhood has a positive effect on a person’s success in adulthood. In childhood, many people lie; in adulthood, the percentage of people who deceive declines.
Lying is bad. This is what parents say to their children, grandmothers to their grandchildren, and all people who care about you. Childhood is a bright time for any person, and lying during this period of your life is completely unnecessary. However, every person grows up and enters adulthood, where he is faced with various situations. Exactly on at this stage Moral problems often arise.
If a person has been taught since childhood that lying is bad, then it is quite possible that lying will not be so easy. The question arises, is it necessary to lie? Is it possible to learn to lie?
How nobly lies have evolved over the past two hundred years!
Sergey Dovlatov. Compromise.
Ability to lie
The ability to lie is, first of all, a complex thought process. Hiding deception, the ability to convince people around you requires the expenditure of mental abilities.
Do not be mistaken that if you are an honest and decent person, you will never lie to others. Statistics say otherwise. Anyone, even the most scrupulously honest person, lies at least 5 times a day.
- See also: My boyfriend is lying to me: what should I do?
All of the above can be attributed to lies that exist in Everyday life each person.
Several forms of lies
- Silencing the truth. Of course, it’s easier not to tell the truth than to invent non-existent stories that can later turn into the real thing. This form of lying makes life easier for a person who does not know how to lie. In addition, you can always say that you did not say something because you were not asked.
- “He lies and doesn’t blush.” This is how professionals in the field of lies can be characterized. Such a person knows how to confidently express his thoughts, does not blush when he tells a lie, and knows how to make people believe what he said. A liar behaves calmly, he can endlessly tell you about non-existent stories from his life.
- Deliberate lies. Lying is common among colleagues or friends. You've probably noticed how sometimes colleagues take credit for other people's achievements, compliment ugly colleagues, and laugh at unfunny jokes. All these signs indicate that the person is lying deliberately. A person tries to maintain a friendly atmosphere in the team, tries to please the management. And you never know what other reasons there could be.
In particular, a person will rub his hands, blush, his gestures become more active, and his facial expressions become stiff. In addition, there are some standard phrases, when uttered it is immediately clear that a person is disingenuous. For example, he says that he will not talk about it, that it is stupid to discuss such issues.
The reason for all of the above is conscience for one’s own lies. Therefore, you can learn to lie only by agreeing with your conscience. Naturally, this is difficult to do quickly, but daily training and practice will help you feel more comfortable telling a lie.
1. Start with beliefs. First, believe that everyone lies, from politicians to the average person. Some people generally cannot live without lies and come up with various colorful stories. Listening to them, you may not suspect them of lying. If you rarely had to lie before, then think through your behavior in advance and come up with a story. But don't overdo it. You can first deceive yourself, tell yourself a lie. The main thing is to believe in yourself.2. During the story, try to control yourself. The main thing is to tell it as if it really happened. The story must be believable. Come up with additional circumstances and details. Be sure to provide yourself with witnesses. Let several people know about your story. Your appearance must inspire trust among listeners. Be confident, don't hesitate. Pay attention to friends who constantly lie, to scammers. They behave confidently, make contact with their interlocutor, and there is no thought that they are trying to fool you.
There are several points that listeners first pay attention to when a person speaks.
- Firstly, This sight.
Eye contact is an essential part of conversation. A person who does not know how to lie will look away and cannot look his interlocutor in the eyes.Learning this art is not so easy. First, try telling yourself a story with elements of deception at home in front of the mirror. Keep your gaze on the bridge of your nose. Looking down means guilt, looking up means aggression. Once you feel confident, tell the story to someone. For example, call a friend. At the same time, do not tell the true purpose of the story.
- Secondly, a deceiving person can be extradited hands and gestures.
The fact is that when a person tells a lie, the level of adrenaline in his body increases. It is not so easy to be completely calm at this moment. This is why your gestures can give you away.Your facial expression should be calm, your speech should be moderate, and your hands should confirm your words. Again this is not an easy task. During a conversation, pick up a pen and hold it calmly. Watch your gestures; they should not be overly impulsive or nervous.
- Third, what does yours say? body?
An inexperienced liar usually gives himself away. In particular, the posture is closed, the person begins to make unnatural movements, including hugging himself by the shoulders or crossing his legs.Remember that when you lie, your body should be open and relaxed. Sit straight, you can lean forward a little, do not make any crossing movements. If your body position is correct, then on a subconscious level you will force your interlocutor to trust you.
- Fourth, first of all, you can be given away by your own words.
Conclusion - watch your expressions. It’s bad if you’re in a hurry, barely pronounce phrases, quickly change phrases, and blush. This course of events will definitely not promote trust. Likewise, a story that is too long and detailed will raise doubts.4. Know that maybe people will find out that you lied, but that’s okay. To prevent detection, do not involve strangers in lies. Let the lie concern only you, and the fact that you told a lie will be known only to you. Prepare emotionally for the revelation. Think about what you will say to the reproachful looks of your colleagues and others.
5. Don't get caught up in your lies. Lying can often be bad for no other reason than that you may end up confused. Usually what actually happens to a person is remembered better than what he lied about. In this case the best option will come up with his own tactics. For example, lie less, try to remember what you said, or keep a special notebook of lies. In general, it is best to train your memory, then you are almost guaranteed not to screw up.
Video: How to learn to lie and not blush at the same time
But what about an honest person?
An honest person needs to understand that everyone lies. Moreover, lying does not necessarily have bad purposes. If you are constantly afraid of lying and that you will be exposed, then this will happen. Moreover, with such thoughts you will not be able to lie convincingly. At the end of the article, it can be noted that what forces us to lie is modern life. Therefore, do not learn to lie on purpose, it will not benefit you. In order to lie calmly, so that no one suspects you, constant practice is required. Practice your skills, carefully monitor your speech and movements during this “bad deed,” analyze the words you say.
Good luck to you in this life!!!
You read an advertisement in the newspaper about the ideal job. You seem to be perfect for her too. You have the qualifications required for this job. Although... experience is not enough. “But I’m qualified for this job,” you think. - "I just haven't done it before. But I'm sure I can learn."
Many of us have such thoughts in our heads. There are quite a few options for action in this case. Let's look at some of them. Candidate #1 thinks, "Well, I guess I'm still not qualified enough for this position." And he moves on to the next ad. Candidate #2 says: "Okay. I don't have the experience this ad requires. But I can just add to my resume. The last company I worked for went under. So new employers will never know if I did those things." responsibilities or not." Candidate #2 is simply adding a few lines to his resume. Candidate #3 believes: “Obviously, I don’t have the work experience that is required. But I am confident that I can easily acquire the necessary skills. The only thing I have to do is apply for this job, get a chance anyway. In the cover letter I will explain that I do not have the required skills, but I am going to do what is necessary to acquire them. I will write that I have similar skills. What will I lose if I do this?
As you probably already guessed, candidate #3 has the wisest position. Candidate #1 will likely miss out on a great opportunity. He does not have the necessary work experience or the necessary skills, however, he may have similar ones. He had to evaluate these skills and figure out how to acquire new ones. Then he could write covering letter, revealing his potential, as candidate No. 3 did. The worst that could happen is that his resume would go into the trash. The best thing that could happen is that the employer would see the potential in the applicant and decide that work experience is not that important. like initiative.
Who's the loser here? Of course, Candidate No. 2. Lies will always be exposed. Lying on a resume is a big deal. bad idea. You might think that a little embellishment is not a disaster. However, for example, calling at work and warning about your absence due to poor health is not the same as believing in your non-existent capabilities. A lie is like a snowball. It's like eating chips - you can never stop at just one.
However, let's imagine that these tips went over your ears and you decided to lie. You don't lie about someone special, specific work. You just didn't have the responsibilities you described. This is not important, you think. The employer, having received your resume and being sufficiently impressed, invites you to an interview, where you will have to discuss your work experience. This means continuing to lie. Now imagine that you got this job. And - you need to lie further. Not to mention, the interview will require you to competently discuss something that you may not be familiar with. And then demonstrate this competence in action. As a result, you lie to your boss, your colleagues, and possibly your clients. As was said - chips.
You can't stop with a little lie. It's worth paying attention to the most obvious reason not to lie - the possibility of getting caught. Most employers will check your references. You may think there is nothing to worry about if your old business has ceased to exist. However, it is not. It's amazing how small the world is. This is especially noticeable in professional communities. In specialized in social networks many know or have heard of each other. You will never know who your boss will talk to about you. Imagine your embarrassment when your boss calls you into his office, looks you in the eye and tells you that he knows everything. You'll probably want to fall through the ground. However, most likely, no one special will be needed. to bring you to clean water. You will do this yourself when you are unable to demonstrate the skills stated in your resume. The lie will be discovered, or the boss will think you are incompetent. Either way, you'll find yourself looking for work again.
But is dismissal the only consequence that can be expected? Let's see what else can happen. So you've lost your job. Easy to find, easy to lose. And looking for a new one. However, not all so simple. By lying on your resume, you may have set in motion a mechanism that will follow you for a very long time. Let's say your boss finds out that you lied and sends you packing. You're looking for a job again and updating your resume. What about the job you just lost? Should you include it in your work experience list? And what should I write as the reason for dismissal? So, you're once again faced with the question of whether or not to lie on your resume. If not mentioned at all last place work, you will need to explain what you have been doing all this time. And this time can be quite long, depending on how quickly you were caught in a lie.
So you've decided to include your last job on your resume. You have been invited for an interview. During the interview, your potential employer asked you why you left your previous job. Oh oh. Dead end again. Tell the truth and give up hope of getting hired? Or lie again? You decide to lie. And you say that you left your job because it’s not for you. After the interview, you hope that the potential employer will not check what you say, or that the previous one will not say anything. However, when a potential employer calls based on your references, he will know the real reason for your termination. End of work. End of story.
Every person has lied or been deceived at least once in his life. The reasons why people lie are varied. Most often this is explained by the desire to look better than you really are. It would seem that lying is so simple, but it is worth remembering that a lie destroys a person from the inside and disrupts his harmony. The fear of being exposed brings great discomfort, which over time can result in serious discomfort. Many people with age begin to understand that deception is not a way out of the situation, so they think about how to stop lying.
White lie
This formulation is a rather weak excuse. It is very difficult to determine the line when lying does not cause harm. And does it exist? In any case, the deception will sooner or later be revealed, and the person who composed the legends will feel very awkward. It is difficult to prove that this was done for good and not for harm. Lying destroys even the strongest relationships, aggravates situations and negatively affects health.
Why do people become liars?
As a rule, no one plans to become a cheater. This happens gradually, but inevitably leads to the fact that a person asks the question: “How to stop lying?” The process begins with people saying the information that the interlocutor wants to hear. They believe that an “innocent” lie will not harm anyone. But this is not so: an unpleasant aftertaste and the fear of “getting caught” remain.
Reasons for lying
To understand how to stop lying to people, you need to understand why this happens. Sometimes a person is saddened to realize that he very often tells lies. Fables can be of a different nature, but the result is always the same: people lie and stop remembering what, when and to whom they said. The lie grows like a snowball, this leads to sad consequences.
Psychologists identify the main reasons why people cheat:
How to fight the urge to lie?
When thinking about how to stop lying, the first thing you need to do is acknowledge the problem. Without this, it is unlikely that you will be able to get rid of such a bad habit. The next step is to calm down. There is no need to remember with horror when, what was said and to whom. It is enough to apologize to those people who had to listen to fables. And when the desire to lie arises again, you need to remember the promise you made to yourself.
Be yourself
You should not compare yourself with other people and be guided by their actions and thoughts. Each person is an individual. To earn respect from others, you need to remain honest and work on your inner world.
Telling the truth is easy!
For people who are thinking about how to stop lying, the advice of a psychologist will come in handy. Experts say that telling the truth is simple and pleasant. In the future, you won’t need to strain and frantically remember your stories. It is much easier to sort out the situation once than to live in constant fear that the truth will be revealed and you will have to relive the unpleasant moments. This destroys inner harmony and deprives you of peace.
There is no such thing as a "little lie"
People who justify their deception with such a concept as “lie of omission” are deeply mistaken. There is no need to look for excuses and dress lies in beautiful forms. Not telling the truth, which is known, is also deception.
Lying for the sake of reputation
Advice on how to stop lying can only be effective if a person realizes the futility of his own lies. No reputation can live long on untrue stories. But regaining the trust of others will be much more difficult, and sometimes almost impossible. It is better to look for other paths to the top that will help achieve sustainable and unshakable results.
"Little Truths"
It is very difficult for people who lie all their lives to immediately understand how to stop lying. Therefore, psychologists recommend starting with small steps. It is necessary every day to speak the truth where previously there would have been a lie.
Lying is in some way theft: a person dishonestly receives respect, love and recognition from people. It makes more sense to focus your energy on understanding how to satisfy your emotions in an honest way. This will become a strong basis for self-development and building relationships with others.
Pavel Smolyak
They baptized when it was not shameful. They brought him and his baby brother into a large cathedral, put him out in a circle, pressed him into the general mass of unfamiliar bodies, and ordered him to wait. The priest did his job, washed me with water: he slashed me across the face, and dipped my brother into a huge bowl amid tears and children’s cries. I then involuntarily thought that the end had come for my brother.
Since then I have lived with God. I read the Bible, did not give in to temptations and did not sin, and if I stumbled, I atone for my sins at the icon in the Transfiguration Cathedral. In that childhood, I believed and believed that God is above us all, watching over everyone and you can’t lie to God, he still knows the truth. I sinned and lied to everyone except God. God replaced my main yard bully, my first teacher, my parents, all my relatives, my first love and my pet, I didn’t even want fish in the aquarium, I had a God who looks at me and controls me.
Growing up, I came to the conclusion that there is no God. Well, it’s true, he can’t keep track of everyone at once. This is who God should be, in what time should he live, if several thousand people die on Earth every second, millions sin, and yet you still have to be present at the Last Judgment, to pass judgment on the soul.
I started lying to God. He did nasty things and didn’t go to church anymore. He mocked those who run to work in the morning. My grandmother, sensing my detachment from ministry, stopped baptizing me before bed and no longer asked God to save me. From then on I began to be afraid to sleep. If I die, then, I thought, I’ll never know what it’s like to see Death.
I lied to my first wife.
“I love you,” he told her.
She pressed her childish cheek to me and rubbed, pierced her thin fingers through my fingers, both noticed how our golden rings flashed.
After some time I said again:
“I love you,” he told his second wife.
She looked at me affectionately, smoked cheap cigarettes and quietly pushed a glass into which I was supposed to pour some alcohol.
In someone else's apartment, everything is neat and beautiful around. Things are thrown onto the floor, carelessly, and the smell of nasty perfume and sweat is in the air.
I love you,” a girl of about seventeen is nearby, looking at photographs of her with her boyfriend.
“Don’t lie,” she told me, slamming another card.
“I’m not lying,” he said chokedly, as if this black-haired guy, the weakling in the photos, would come.
You're lying! - she said and pushed up the pillows, she has a bad back at her age.
A lie is when the truth is known. Are you sure that I don’t love you? - He philosophized in a rumpled bed.
She was silent, and two weeks later Nastya, my first wife, called.
“Let’s get married,” she suggested.
“But I don’t love you,” he answered, and he imagined the church, bright yellow candles, the howl of the priest, the oaths and the chuckle of a neurasthenic atheist from his ex-wife’s retinue.
I love you! - Nastya shouted defiantly into the phone.
But I have a wife,” I continued to make excuses.
Doesn't matter. “You won’t show your passport in church,” the long-unloved girl decided decisively.
I agreed, took the phone away from my ear, and noted that we spoke for only a few seconds. I couldn’t come to my senses, I looked at the cross that was hidden under my shirt, and thought: why?
I looked at the cross and scrolled through the future. We will come to church, I will be overcome by a pain in my head, I can’t stand the smell of incense... We will ask to get married, the rector of the church will definitely ask if I am baptized.
I took the phone and dialed Nastya.
“I can’t lie to God,” I told her, “I can’t lie to his face, it’s blatant!”
The girl laughed.
“He knows,” she said ominously and laughed for a long time, creating fear in me.
Lights out. Unable to listen to the high-spirited cackle, I threw the phone away and forgot about it.
I felt sick, tossed from side to side, as if drunk, I walked along a narrow corridor, turned into a room, rushed to the bed, crawled with my head under the blanket and roared like my brother when he was baptized.
Even if He sees that I cried, He will never tell anyone.
